


Spilt Milk

by Galotica



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, There's a hint of a kinda rape joke but it goes over most peoples heads, This is a parody of Sherlock Holmes I did for english, This stuff is crazy, Whatson is yandere so if you enjoy that obsessive stuff then this is for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 07:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12452103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galotica/pseuds/Galotica
Summary: Snersniff and Whatson are on the case of the recent... MILK MURDER. They go to find who's responsible for this infamous murder, as well as Whatson trying to keep everybody at bay from his Senpai.A story of murder, love and... even more MURDER.





	Spilt Milk

I peek around the corner to look at Senpai. His black as midnight hair, cut just above the ears makes me want to wrap them in between my fingers and tug softly. His face: the ski slope nose, prudent cheekbones, his stubbled jawline and most of all his big overbite that is shining in the sun. How I want to run my tongue over that beautiful overbite, so, so much. Currently he lies down in his bed, right leg swinging off it and his ever-so manly chest littered in hair on show with a light purple bra with black lace palm trees covering it. 

“Whatson?” He asks in a husky voice that makes me fall in love all over again.

“Yes, master Shersniff?” I say, walking around to the bed where I sit down at the side of, right close to Senpai’s luscious leg half hidden by sheets.

“I got a text from Coles; apparently we have a case in the milk aisle”.

I do not like this, no not at all. Every time we go out somebody does, looks or says something to MY senpai and well…

Somebody has to pay the price.

I sigh, “That’s like the sixth time this last month that somebody’s been either murdered or just dropped dead in the supermarket”.

He gives me an expressionless face, which has me swooning, if anybody takes him away for me… they will pay.

“Whatson, your eyes are glazing over,” he states.

“No! No, no… I am fine Sen- I mean master Shersniff. I’m just thinking about the case, I mean like surely these crimes are linked together like u- so yeah the case is probably linked together, Senpai- Master Shersniff.” I stumbled trying to keep my cool.

He nods with both approval and proudness. “They most likely are my little Whatson. So shall we go before they get used in a chicken kebab?”

“Lets”.  
———

As we stroll towards the Coles carpark, a man just smaller than Senpai runs into him knocking and falling right on top of my Senpai. It happens so quick that I cannot warn or push my love away from the danger. Knowing that someone is on top of my Senpai, the love of my life, my one and only, my better half, my hubby, the only one that I will love forever, my soulmate. This has everything in my vision turn into a bloody red tint as well as my fists being so clenched that my own fingernails are cutting through the flesh of my hand. Nevertheless, all I feel at the moment is immense loathing and the intent to KILL. 

Without another second rushing by, I tear the man off of my lovers hazed being and storm off, the pathetic scoundrel getting rips in his clothes from both my hand and gravel of the pathway. Not like, I care anyway. We get to a secluded alleyway where I throw him against the wall, I may look weak but I exercise daily for both Senpai’s appreciation and protection. Good thing I did not over work it this morning. I look over at the now sorry excuse of a man whom clothes are tattered everywhere and small cuts peppered on his legs.

“What the hell, man?” His yells wobbling onto his feet. “It was an accident, no need to be-”

I punch him so hard in the face that the back of his head hits the brick wall behind him and falls back into his position where he was before.

“You think you are worthy of MY SENPAI?” I yell at him punching him in the stomach, I will make him endure this beating until he is beaten into a bloody pulp and expel all the food from his stomach.

He looks at me through hooded eyes and a slightly beaten face. “I just ran into him you freak,” he yells with the same intensity as mine.

This makes me even more revengeful, I keep throwing punches to both of his face and body, light red liquid comes out to spray on my coat shake the confusion and the need to wipe it.

“I’m still alive you freak,” he ever-so-quietly sneers at me after a while of this beating with his head hang low.

“That’s a shame isn’t it,” I mutter before reaching inside my coat pocket to grab my chef’s knife, encased in thick leather around the metal part so it does not stab through the expensive fabric of my favourite coat. I place the leather knife case back inside my coat, and then crouching down to the man’s level I whisper in his ear.

“This will teach you for messing with me and jumping my Senpai,” as soon as that leaves my lips I savagely stab him in the chest repeatedly until his body has stopped moving a few minutes. I stand up as if nothing happened and look over to the neighbouring bin besides us with a torn off piece of dark grey cloth, that is in no doubt from that man’s caked crimson shirt before it was tortured by the wrath of us conflicting. I wipe my knife thankful that I did not tend to wear the usual white shirt underneath my coat. A clean knife means a clean life as my mother would say, I wonder if she has found my father and tortured him for deserting us. However, that thought soon goes away as I start to think about Senpai, wondering if he is safe. I quickly tidy myself up as best as I can, then hurriedly rush to him leaving the mangled body in plain sight.

I see him sitting on the creamy coloured brick fence which is just above the height of my waist. I let out a girlish giggle seeing him swinging his legs as they dangle close to the ground, his overbite sparkling once again. He is mine and mine only.

He is in a kind of daze as I approach him, and as much as I do not want to disturb him in this cute dreamlike state, we still have to do this case. “Master Shersniff?”

“Oh Whatson, you’re back. Where were you? I woke up without any assistance,” he asks concerned as he drops onto solid ground on his two feet.

I put on a forced smile, “I was trying to look for help, after the scoundrel that leaped on top of you ran away without apologising or anything. Besides that, I am sorry master Shersniff for leaving you in that state in public, it will not happen again. Most importantly, are you ok, master? Does your head hurt? your body? We can always go home if we need to?”

“I’m fine, Whatson. And you better keep your word on not leaving me like that in public, it’s rather dangerous out here and I don’t want anyone’s body fluids in or on me,” he gives his last statement a shudder and a wince. “Anyway, off we go”.  
———

We arrive at the first register where a staff member stands serving, which is of course a puny weak Asian girl.

“Hi, we’re here for the body,” Senpai blurts out a habit of his, the woman squeaks in alarm and continues to serve the customer that was here first.

“Excuse me, wait your turn to get served,” interrupted the 40 year old man who is placing the plastic bags of recently brought goods in his trolley.

“Sir, we are on case to see this beautifully hopefully murdered person and to find out whom did it”.

“Well you can-”

“He’s in the milk aisle,” the Asian squeaks out, hiding more so behind the groceries.

“Thank you,” he says in appreciation as he glares at the rude customer. I want to both punch the customer and make out with Senpai for being so brave and hot. However, I have done enough murdering already; also, there are many people standing around us.

When we get to the crime scene, I see two police officers standing over a body traced in either white chalk or white tape, including some carefree citizens walking around the body to get some milk. 

“So what do we have here?” Senpai asks, as we get closer where I can see some somewhat lightly coloured red liquid coming out of the victims mouth and a massive puddle of the said liquid puddled around his head. 

"Some kind of murder, I don’t really know much besides that there’s blood coming out of his mouth,” says the short cop with black sunglasses on.

“That’s not blood-”

“Blood or not blood, some kind of stupid liquid flowing out of his mouth.”

Shersniff rolls his eyes at the cop and goes to examine the body, he sniffs it head to toe then goes to examine the liquid closer than ever, sniffing it then a very quick kitten lick. His face goes pale and he spits to the side.

“The person was drinking some kind of raspberry juice with milk in it, I presume. On the other hand, oh my magnifying glass that tastes gross, no wonder why he died. And it looks like he was forced to drink this vile liquid”.

“And what makes you say that?” dumbly says the cop with shades.

“The liquid flowing from his mouth is in a larger puddle beneath him than what you should have, if you drank it at your own pace.”

“That’s stupid”.

“Maybe and yet that is coming out of your mouth,” Senpai glares at the dumb cop, then takes a glance at the other one who has been silent all this time. “Anyway, have you guys checked anybody for any of this kind of juice?”

“No because again as I’ve said, this is stupid and he merely just drank the substance even if you make a good point or not”.

Senpai rolls his eyes yet again, “Forget it”.

Although as we turn to walk away a husky unfamiliar whisper stops us, “There were several people carrying juice boxes around”.

“So he does talk. Who were they? And what did they look like?”

“One was the Asian staff member, a famous singer called Ed Sheepman and the obese manager”.

“Hmm, interesting I’ll go check,” then he glances at me. “Sorry, we will check”.

 

We decided along the way that we will first inspect the manager. Senpai knocks on the door with his all-powerful fist, me wanting to be the wooden door. We wait a couple of seconds before it abruptly opens to reveal an obese man with his oily brown hair tied back into a rats tail, buttons threatening to pop from his Woolworths uniform. I thought he was the manager of Coles?

“Yes?” He says looking bored.

“We’ve been notified that you happened to have had a juice box on you, may we inspect it?”

“Sure, want a croissant with that?” He walks back to his desk, is it even a desk? Which is littered in ramen packets, McDonald’s happy meals, Pocky containers, mountain dew cans, beer bottles and the list goes on and on.

“Ah, I’ll have to skip that offer,” Senpai waves away simply. The manager points to the mountain of food wrappers and cans.

“It’s somewhere in the bin, but I don’t have all day to look for it so you can,” with that he violently plops down on the reddish brown spinning chair. I wonder how that chair is still standing and how long will it keep standing, but then I have my Senpai to keep me from such waste of time thoughts.

We dig through the mountain of rubbish, which feels like a day, because it is. We pull out a whole box full of Prima raspberry juice boxes, which is the only thing raspberry we see within the devastatingly large garbage pile. Senpai takes a sniff and a kitten lick at the intact straw.

“Hmm, no taste of milk and too old to be the liquid what we’re looking for. He’s innocent”.

“Of course I’m innocent! Wait, in which prospect are we talking about?” The obese man interjects.  
——————

We later go to one of the other suspects: the Asian staff member.

“So… have any raspberry juice boxes on you?” Senpai slowly asks as he leans his elbow on the cash register. I am starting to get extremely jealous by these manmade objects; Senpai can lean on me any day.

“What?!” The woman squeaks out in both astoundment and shock. 

“He said ‘do you have any raspberry juice boxes on you?’” I say with slight annoyance.

“Oh, I don’t have raspberry, I have orange flavour though,” she points beneath her side of the counter. We take that as an invitation to walk to her side of the counter which soon gets very squishy mind you. She goes to place her hand on Senpai’s shoulder but I shoot a look that could kill, making her freeze in horror and fright. While I stare her down, Senpai sniffs and licks at the juice boxes.

 

“She is telling the truth. These are in fact not the liquids we were looking for,” Senpai walks away from us after he states that. Before I go to join him, I growl to the scrawny pathetic Asian girl.

“He is mine”.

 

“So where will this Ed Sheepman be?” Senpai asks as we get to the front entrance of Coles.

“Maybe go on the iStalk app and search him up,” I suggest raising by shoulders in question.

“Ah, thank you my intelligent cute plum,” he messes my hair up a bit but I do not mind. Both action and praise makes my ears heat up in a blush, which I soon cover with my hands and look down at the ground. 

He taps through his black android until he starts to walk in a zombie way, looking at his phone nonetheless walking straight down the path. I follow behind him making sure he does not fall flat on his face. We walk past the alleyway where I was earlier until Senpai comes to a complete stop, lifts his phone up to the sky, tilting his head up in the process, the delicious overbite sparkling once again in pride of the sunlight. He backtracks to the alleyway where something has caught his eye, I panic slightly because Senpai should never know that I killed someone. 

Especially that I killed for him.

He puts his phone down as he faces the disembowelled corpse, the skin of the man as white as paper with clumps of blood in various places. 

“Oh, well this is unfortunate. However, not for us Whatson! Looks like we just got another case after this one,” he exclaims in delight and I slightly sink into myself. Senpai will never love me after this!

He kneels close to the corpse, blood soaking into his pure white sneakers. He does his regular examining but only sniffing the corpse, although when he peels the caked in blood black jacket far enough to see the inside contents, the entire insides are covered with bloody juice boxes. Senpai deeply inhales the fumes of the juice boxes, giving small various sniffs around the edges. 

 

“This man had quite a stock on him but the juice boxes were all tropical and blackcurrant flavour. Therefore, this comes down to one person and one person only… The manager,” he exclaims raising his hand up in victory. “Now we need to torture the evidence out of him!”

 

We skip to the manager’s office, mainly because Senpai told me to do it. As we skip there, me skipping behind looking at his butt and thighs jiggle, practically drooling all over them, we get the noise of several lightbulbs breaking and then darkness pools around us. I hear a manly grunt and a thump come from in front of me. Senpai! I rush towards where the thump was and as I go to save my Senpai, I slip over something round and hit my head on something solid. 

I wake up; the first thing I see is a blinding white light that blinds my vision. Trying to wiggle out of the light i soon notice that my arms and legs are tied down to something, looking down blinking away the pain I notice that i’m tied up to a wooden stereotypical chair. I start to panic but as i do so a groan comes from behind me, happy that I seem to notice that groan.

“Master Shersniff?” I whisper to the person.

“Whatson? Where are we?” He says in a scratchy trembling voice.

“I don’t know. In the managers lair, maybe?”

“Hmm, well he is the murderer so that’s his reason of having such a dark lair. On the other note can you Whatson, reach for my mobile?”

I lean towards him to reach inside his warm silky coat pocket, grasping onto a solid object with slight difficulty but I manage to get it in my hand.

“Got it,” accomplishment rushing through my veins at doing what Senpai asked me successfully.

“Beautiful, now pass it into my hand,” I do what I am told to do, “Ok, good I'm not going to call the police department and tell them to go into the managers lair to save me- I mean us”.

He dials the police with enormous difficulty, much bigger than my role, and tells them to come and get us quick. With perfect timing as he hangs up the manager comes into the room.

“Well, well, well. Looks like we have some stupid hounds running amuck,” disgust laced in his voice as his stomach makes a unholy sound.

“Your the suspect aren't you?” Senpai revealed giddy from the prospect that he most likely be right.

“You mean, ‘am I the one who killed poor Johnny?’ because yes I am. Happy?”

“I am exhilarated. But why did you do it?”

“He was a pain in the backside, always complaining about the flavour of milk, so I just made him taste some mixed milk with raspberry juice I had on me at that time,” he shrugs as if there’s bigger things in life. “And now that you know the truth of the juicy milk murder, i’ll have to kill you too. With the remaining bottles of it!” Shouting with such ferocity that shakes the light in front of me.

“Not so fast Ignacious-ness Maximilian Piggs,” a man with an authoritative voice, “ I hereby arrest you for murdering Johnny Jepp and holding hostage the best detectives the world has ever seen”.

“Yay! They’re here!” Senpai says with glee as SQUATnTWERK surround the manager and cut us out of our binds. Almost instantly as we’re up Senpai rushes to the SQUATnTWERK team, “he murdered the victim, he murdered the victim, he murdered-”

“We know,” several people groan out from underneath full multicoloured body suits.  
—————

We tell the police chief what we found out about the manager who believes us and leaves us to be.

“So Whatson, now that that case is over with, lets found out who murdered this poor singer- Ed Sheepman!” He recalled skipping towards the dreaded alleyway that will either take my Senpai away from me, or where I have lay him to rest… forever.


End file.
